Dear soft hearted loves,
How can we accept an issue or suffering in our lives? Isn’t this just giving up?
Acceptance of an area of suffering can then empower us to not pass that wound down to future generations or our own internal families. If you’re like “what’s she talking about with this internal family stuff” please check out blogs below on internal family systems (IFS). IFS helps us access parts of us that critique ourselves to protect from others criticizing, rejecting, or leaving us, our sweet inner child, and other internal parts of ourselves. When we can acknowledge what parts of us need we access more presence, inner wisdom, and that quiet that is within us already.
It is understandable to find it difficult to accept the pains and strains we may experience. For example, if someone struggles with codependency and continues to over extend themselves it may be hard to look at that pattern. I can’t speak for IFS, but it’s my experience as a clinical psychologist and as a human that this codependency pattern didn’t start with you. We would want someone to take note of ways in which the pattern or suffering is impacting their internal or external life. For example, does the pattern or suffering drain your energy, spiritual life, money, or connectedness? Do you get quick spikes in energy from the behavior only to see you don’t have enough space later? Do you notice yourself lashing out, feeling depleted or resentful, or disconnected with others more than you’d like to? A gentle, and honest look at how something serves us can open the path to healing. And it’s not always easy because sometimes we needed a bout of codependency or workaholism to help us get through a hard time such as being a provider during the pandemic.
If we notice that the pattern is creating suffering we can then thank the parts of us that showed up in these ways to shield or connect us with people as best as we could at that time. Perhaps we felt we needed to have people need us in order to win attention. Or perhaps we needed to be super helpful so someone in the family could get more medical help, to avoid getting yelled at, or so we could escape seeing someone else hurt. Whatever the reason, there’s a purpose for the pattern and it may go back intergenerationally.
It can provide validation to your inner child to name it and to not perpetuate this cycle internally and with generations to come. It’s far more empowering to name the suffering than to pretend it’s still serving us well. It’s empowering to look at this stuff because then we can pick up this pattern and name it. Easier said than done. And the pattern may have grey area, especially over time.
Whether the pattern is unhelpful codependency, obsessive thoughts, perfectionism, or something else, when we spot it we have so much spaciousness from there. If codependency is the pattern causing suffering and we are able to validate our inner child and acknowledge this issue then we have tools to do differently moving forward. We can talk with a peer working on the same stuff, attend therapy tailored toward trauma healing, go to a 12 step program, write about it, sing about it, etc. We then have open space to heal these wounds. This is the beauty and gratitude of my work. I get to work with folks who say “this thing in my life no longer serves me” and we can honor that part of their story and work on loving themselves, boundaries, imagery, and healing to do differently for their internal family and future generations.
So wait, where does the full moon come into play here? There’s a full moon this weekend. If there’s a pattern you’d like to release, this is the time to do it. Acceptance and then setting intentionality around releasing an old pattern may help us do better next time, especially around the full moon. This is a time when some believe that old patterns can be released. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to share what you’re going to release this full moon or if you want support on this journey of uncovering and transforming: firstname.lastname@example.org