Attachment – Soft Heart Psychology

Traumas You Didn’t Think Were Trauma

Sometimes people ask me if a type of therapy I do, EMDR, will be helpful for them. I point out how EMDR was developed, what EMDR is for, and then I validate and reflect what relational trauma is and why EMDR can be helpful. EMDR isn’t the only modality helpful for relational trauma, but itContinue reading “Traumas You Didn’t Think Were Trauma”

Dating Exploration: First Date Suggestions

Dear Soft Hearts, Okay so what do we do if we’re interested in someone and we want to know if they’re going to meet us where we’re at? If you’ve done the healing work and want to dodge the “f$ck boy” and people who may be hot and cold out there then I think there’sContinue reading “Dating Exploration: First Date Suggestions”

Dating Exploration: A Deeper Dive Into the Issues

Dear Soft Hearts, When patients ask me about dating issues I go over the typical things impacting dating. We look at how much racism has impacted their dating options if they are a person of color. We process any red flags they are noticing in dating partners and make sure they aren’t forgetting or repeatingContinue reading “Dating Exploration: A Deeper Dive Into the Issues”

Why Should I Pay for Therapy?

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, People often tell people they should go to therapy so that they can just talk with someone. They often argue that going to therapy is the same price as that massage or retail therapy they might pay for otherwise. Therapy is not a massage. Massage is healing too, but therapy isContinue reading “Why Should I Pay for Therapy?”

Love Yourself

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, How would you feed yourself if you fed yourself like you feed your lover? Where would you work if you paid yourself like you’d pay a friend? How would you talk to yourself if there was an infant within rather than the adult you? You’ll notice several of our blogs areContinue reading “Love Yourself”

How to Handle Tossing and Turning

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, There are so many articles out there on how we’ve got to disconnect from screens about a half an hour before bed to get good rest and I’ll be honest, I haven’t been doing this. This article is not to shame us into better sleep hygiene. We’ve got gazillions of helpfulContinue reading “How to Handle Tossing and Turning”

Anxious Attachment Desert

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, I’d like to discuss the phenomenon when anxiously attached folks find that love and it feels like chilled water in the deepest, driest desert. The book, Attached: The New Science and how it can Help you Find- and Keep- Love, discussed the literature on attachment styles and how there are moreContinue reading “Anxious Attachment Desert”

Anxious Attachment Desert

Gaslighting Yourself?

Dear soft hearted loves, If you grew up in an environment where you couldn’t feel or express yourself in a way that didn’t leave you ignored, neglected, teased, or hurt then you may still feel confused at times. You may talk yourself out of what’s coming up for you. My goal with this blog entryContinue reading “Gaslighting Yourself?”

Attachment, Love, and Gratitude

Dear soft hearted people, Some people say “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” I like to think of love, including self love as a practice. This love practice is not linear or stagnant. We can continue to work on tapping into the love that resides within us and find newContinue reading “Attachment, Love, and Gratitude”