Dr. J

How to Transform from Toxic Positivity to Presence

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, I’m a reformed toxic positivity user or a transforming ex-Pollyanna. My dear friend once brought it to my attention that it was invalidating when I would highlight the positive when she was sharing what was going on for her. After years of trying to see the bright side I had toContinue reading “How to Transform from Toxic Positivity to Presence”

How to Validate Your Experiences

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, My dear sweet one, do you find yourself loving on others only to forget to validate yourself? Do you find yourself Pollyanna-ing and being super positive only to bypass your own feelings? Stuffing our feelings or engaging in toxic positivity may have once done the job. If these ways no longerContinue reading “How to Validate Your Experiences”

How to Divide the Chores

Dear soft hearted loves, Whether you’re a mother-son-grandchild trio, husband-husband romantic partnership, or any other type of relational dynamic the household duties are likely divided. If you’re feeling the weight of the household duties heavy on you keep reading because there is so much hope for this to change for you starting today. You’ll getContinue reading “How to Divide the Chores”

How to Love on Your Inner Defender

Dear Soft Hearted People, Maryam Fallahi is our international expert and life coach working on things such as life planning, behavior change, habit formation, self sabotaging behavior, etc. She’s back as a guest blogger with a very skillful article on our inner defender. She utilizes a lot of this Internal Family Systems (IFS) stuff youContinue reading “How to Love on Your Inner Defender”

How to Find A Therapist Who Helps You Feel Safe

If you found your way to this article, then it is likely you are in search of a therapist for either you, your child, or your family. Finding a therapist can be challenging when you are not quite sure what to look for or what to expect from the interactions. Your search may be furtherContinue reading “How to Find A Therapist Who Helps You Feel Safe”

Anxious Attachment Desert

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, I’d like to discuss the phenomenon when anxiously attached folks find that love and it feels like chilled water in the deepest, driest desert. The book, Attached: The New Science and how it can Help you Find- and Keep- Love, discussed the literature on attachment styles and how there are moreContinue reading “Anxious Attachment Desert”

Accept, Empower and a Full Moon

Dear soft hearted loves, How can we accept an issue or suffering in our lives? Isn’t this just giving up? Acceptance of an area of suffering can then empower us to not pass that wound down to future generations or our own internal families. If you’re like “what’s she talking about with this internal familyContinue reading “Accept, Empower and a Full Moon”

Inner Champion Team

Dear Soft Hearted Loves, Some of us are still working on our inner critics. There are so many wounds and injuries that can cause us to protect these wounded parts of ourselves. Sometimes we develop a protective mechanism of behaving perfectly. While perfectionism may have helped us survive bullying or a critical environment, it mayContinue reading “Inner Champion Team”

You Are Seen

Dear soft hearted loves, This week psychologist and founder of The Green Garden, Dr. Chona Green wrote a guest blog on comparison. You’ll find her helpful reflections below. With kindness, Dr. J How do people do it? How do so many people appear to have everything altogether? How do they manage to have such pictureContinue reading “You Are Seen”

Gaslighting Yourself?

Dear soft hearted loves, If you grew up in an environment where you couldn’t feel or express yourself in a way that didn’t leave you ignored, neglected, teased, or hurt then you may still feel confused at times. You may talk yourself out of what’s coming up for you. My goal with this blog entryContinue reading “Gaslighting Yourself?”