So I’m always talking about being gentle with ourselves, but I wanted to talk about walking through hard stuff while being gentle. Contrary action can be, in an odd kind of way, one of the gentlest things we can do. So many of my little blogs discuss how we don’t need to “should” or shame or blame ourselves and how when we’re doing tough inner child work or loving on wounded parts we want to be gentle with ourselves. I also want to talk about contrary action.
When I’m tired and don’t feel like journaling, but know that there’s a part of me that needs expressing would it be gentle to go ahead and journal or would it be gentle of me to not journal when I’m tired? Well, I think it depends. Sometimes the gentlest thing would be to do what feels opposite or contrary to what feels comfortable. I’m not talking about behaving inauthentically or bulldozing past our needs in an effort to be an “A+” student. One example for me might be being on the podcast. If you know me, you know I’m a little of a secretly shy person. Being on a podcast has been such a stretch. You literally have to contribute and be alert, and bounce things back and forth. You have to listen and attune and make sure you heard people the way they wanted to share. You have to make sure you’re saying the stuff you want to say, but in a way that makes sense to others. I walk through this fear of saying trauma recovery stuff on a podcast weekly in hopes we can contribute.
I literally breath before and debrief with someone after the episodes. I walk through self-criticism in order to get a message out there that’s far greater than me or me in this lifetime. We share amazing things about trauma impacting epigenetics, stuff not to say to trauma survivors, and some of my favorite episodes on info about working with gender expansive folks.
Another example of walking through something uncomfortable for the greater good would be starting or restarting your therapy journey. Even if you’ve found a trusting provider it can be scary to talk about or process the stuff that you were told not to mention. It can be activating to look at the things that people told you to stuff down. If you can slowly, bite by bite, chew on this stuff with a trusted healing provider than you too may be doing a contrary action in line with your highest good/needs. I guess contrary action isn’t really all the contrary when it aligns with your authentic, highest needs.
Soft Heart Psychology 