I just wanted to note a couple of times the importance of pause came up for me recently. Someone asked more of me than I can extend and I wanted to be honest and not fall back into people pleasing inauthenticity. I actually paused and asked for guidance quietly within.
I asked for guidance because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to extend something I don’t have time for or whether I wanted to share other feelings. I wasn’t sure and I paused!
When I recommend something in session I try it out first. So if I’m recommending meditation, body scans, or other ways of taking a beat to check in before taking on more than I want to or can then I want you to know I’m over here doing the same recommendations myself too. I’m taking that mindfulness moment to check in too. I’m noticing the distress in my body and how my mind wants to do all the things. I’m also noticing my energetic limits. I was so grateful for all the people and powers that contributed to my pause moments recently. It was a beautiful and connected conversation followed by the relief of knowing that I didn’t lie by saying I can do more than I can or stuff my inner needs down.
Another time I paused was when I felt anger and wanted to stick to the point. Rather than going all over the place it is helpful to stick to one issue at a time. I really only had one thing that was hurting deep below and by pausing I was able to connect to that and share it with kindness and directness. I was honest and avoided the aggression of pretending to people please. This doesn’t always happen and someone I love says something like “two steps forward, two steps back sometimes.”
Looking at how people pleasing hasn’t been authentic has helped me to practice meditation daily, even if only for a minute or two just noting what’s here. I’m so grateful to providers who offer meditations such as Dr. Dowtin’s Unpacking Anger meditation. I’m really wondering what ways help you pause. What are some moments in which you’ve paused recently? Feel free to reach out and let us know in the comments below.
Soft Heart Psychology 