Dear Soft Hearted Loves,
How would you feed yourself if you fed yourself like you feed your lover? Where would you work if you paid yourself like you’d pay a friend? How would you talk to yourself if there was an infant within rather than the adult you?
You’ll notice several of our blogs are how to’s. Not this one! There is not much on how to love yourself since it’s already in there and we just have to get out of the way of blocking ourselves from our own innermost kindness. Easier said than done as these inner defenses (and sometimes even external defenses) have been with us for centuries and across cultures. You can access the inner love in this moment. The Power of Now discusses accessing the inner loving presence over and over (the book can be found here: https://bookshop.org/a/23992/9781577314806).
If we talked to ourselves like we talk to a pet, baby, or close friend I think we’d be in a lot more of a cohesive, kind environment. There are several articles on how to love yourself. Whatever that looks like for you I’m grateful you’re taking a chance today to give another article a try.
You have what you need within. I’m not going to tell you to start therapy with me and then you’ll feel better or use this oil to love yourself more or do this worksheet to like yourself more. I’m not going to recommend walking or sun or antidepressants to love yourself more. I’m not going to suggest you do better and then you’ll be more worthy of loving yourself. All I’m going to say is that the love you want and need is already right in there. Maybe even put your hand on it. My love within feels like it is in my tummy and chest. We already have everything we need inside to love on ourselves more.
Some of us may have to work hard around those toxic thoughts or noting obsessions rather than arguing with the thoughts and having them loop back around. Some of us may even have to work hard to affirm or praise ourselves. Some may work to recover from the social traumas or other traumas. You may be thinking a valid thought, how can this “easy for this White lady to say all this.” That thought is perfectly valid. There are so many aspects to my privileges I must acknowledge.
If the old ways of dreaming no longer serve you then we can thank them. Old ways of workaholism and then life will be good or depression until we acquire that romantic relationship or attainment of quieter thoughts and then we’ll be happy are fantasies that may have helped us achieve and survive. I thank these hard work narratives so much. And we can now spot the joy and love that’s already there within. It’s best accessed with quiet. Sometimes it can be accessed by thanking the protective parts of you that worked so hard to survive traumas and imagine infant you. Sometimes our compassion and quiet is more easily accessed by loving on baby us or imagining how we’d talk to a lover. We can access the love and ease within. When we rewire our neuropathways for noting, affirming, and praising we are changing the intergenerational programming. This sort of reparenting can help us to access all the love within that’s been there all along.
Dr. Hannah Alia Joharchi