Dear soft hearted loves,
This week psychologist and founder of The Green Garden, Dr. Chona Green wrote a guest blog on comparison. You’ll find her helpful reflections below.
With kindness,
Dr. J
How do people do it? How do so many people appear to have everything altogether? How do they manage to have such picture perfect lives? With their perfect bodies, perfect homes, perfect meals, perfect pets, perfect everything!!
Double-Edged Sword
It’s human nature to compare ourselves to other people around us. Individuals will often compare what they have to what they see other people accomplishing around them. Some of this social comparison is healthy. It is what drives and motivates certain people to strive for more. Sometimes seeing someone like you accomplish a dream can be inspiring. It can lend itself to ideas you may have never thought of on your own like traveling to that faraway island, becoming an astronaut, trying out for the NBA. Sometimes we need to see others thriving to know that we can do it too.
However, in this world of an untarnished Instagram reality, it becomes so easy to feel that you don’t matter and that what you’re doing isn’t enough. It becomes effortless to feel invisible. Comparing ourselves to others can get out of hand and become damaging to our self-esteem. We may start to feel that what we’re doing is inconsequential compared to what other people have attained in life. And we shrink away from the attention or accolades we deserve because of this social comparison we’ve established within ourselves.
Barriers
This mindset is not only unhealthy but it also limits our potential. This mindset that we are not “good enough” stops us from being seen, asking for what we want, and going after our dreams. This mindset affects all areas of our lives – from our careers to our romantic relationships to our hobbies and leisure activities. Owning this mindset stops us from completing simple tasks like taking a day off from work because we’re so concerned with what everyone else is doing and how they will view us for not being at work. We start to question our own needs and feel undeserving of what we want.
The truth is you deserve the world! You are not invisible. You and your efforts are seen. And there is someone out there who admires you too, even if you don’t feel that way. Someone is observing your accomplishments in the same light that you shine on other people. Who cares if someone is reaching heights that you haven’t accomplished yet? There is always room for growth and improvement. Be proud of what you are doing and what you have accomplished thus far. No matter what, know that you are not invisible and you are seen.
“Being proud of who we are as people is more important than cutting into ourselves to create this false idea of beauty.”
-Isla Fisher
Please reach out to Dr. Green for questions about therapy services in Maryland or check out her thoughtful website for blogs, resources, etc.
Soft Heart Psychology 